dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
