I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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