Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
