yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
