hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
