its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
its liver damage thursday
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
