This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
