It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
