I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
