Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
