Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
