Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
