You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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