i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
