PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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