If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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