Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
