i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
