They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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