i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
