I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have fence marks all over my body
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
