My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
