You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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