Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
