I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
