Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
