well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
