If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
