did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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