Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
