i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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