Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
