Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
