its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
