Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
