Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
