I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
