i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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