My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
