Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
