I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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