Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
