getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
