She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
