is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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