my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
