so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
