Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
ttyl tear gas
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
