Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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