I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
