jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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