can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
