It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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